thaalkemyst's Journal

1:38am: Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
I got bored and made up some Chuck Norris Fact Photo's:


















More to come later. Feel free to steal these and use them anywhere you want people to know Chuck Norris > ALL LIFE FORMS!

2:11am: and the fat man in the wifebeater is none other than...
woke up last nigh at 4:35 am and took a leak, ate an apple, and was back in bed by 4:43. all in all it was a pretty productive night as far as nights go.


Lets see if i can repeat my success.

Night 'yaLL

2:19am: Somewhere outside there are tricks and evil
High fives are a new handshake, instituted tonite. Just dont be gay about it. In other news i lost my Deftones Around the fur CD so im listening to the tape (ugh) on my alarm clock cause my other friggin tape deck is still broken(see post a few below for details). Those things just dont fix themselves i guess. My turntable, CD player and computer still work so 98% of my music collection is still accessable. Tapes sound like shit anyway so phooey, i aint getting another deck.

In other news i washed my car. I do remember getting it painted black, nice to see after the salt is gone its still that color.

Demo tapes are the purest form of expression, before the record lable whores ruin the bands integrity.

We got lawn mowers in today at walmart, just in time to mow that snow! And the forklift is fixed, so we dont need to crash into SUVs to stop anymore. w00t.

I got a myspace page, someone buy me an ipod and a honda civic so i can be like EVERYONE ELSE!

im pathetically addicted tho.

4:08am: Grrrr
Sorry my pictures arent working, apparently photodump fell alseep at the wheel and hit a bridge abutment. They'll be back up eventually.





I cant control the internet, only which bewbies it lets me look at.

4:32pm: Almost a year ago.....
My favorite comedian, and i would argue the best comedian in my lifetime, died the 29th of this month in '05. We will have a Mitch Hedberg memorial day. Hopefully all nonessential Mechanics and Walmart Assemblers and McDonalds employees will be sent home early. Utill then....enjoy.....

12:48am: Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man.
4 days of fun. These momentary sparks of light keep me going. I love you all.

10:55am:

My job Sucks more than your job. w00t!

12:38am: WTF Mate?
Can this even be concidered winter? Seems like Summer Lite. All this week its gonna be in the thirties, granted its no heat wave (unless ur from canada, but i dont think they even have computers there yet so it doesnt matter), but if you think back to last year at this time ( i was probably speeping on the couch in Rogers one year ago tonite)it was about -70 degrees Kelvin, and im pretty sure the neighborhood cats were in a state of suspended animation. Even Walt Disney was bitching about the cold*.




* if you dont get it google walt disney susended animation. While ur at it heres two more things to google: rock, how to crawl.

'LUV YALL

night

2:12am: Your day breaks, your mind aches
You find that all the words of kindness linger on
When she no longer needs you

She wakes up, she makes up
She takes her time and doesn't feel she has to hurry
She no longer needs you

And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years!

You want her, you need her
And yet you don't believe her when she said her love is dead
You think she needs you

And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years!

You stay home, she goes out
She says that long ago she knew someone but now he's gone
She doesn't need him

Your day breaks, your mind aches
There will be time when all the things she said will fil your head
You won't forget her

And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years!


Beatles - August 5, 1966, 29 years 8 months and 2 days later i had another dream. Another, its been almost 3 years since that day. Your day breaks, your mind aches, there will be time when all the things she said will fill your head You won't forget her

I still miss her, i still love her, i always will.

Till tomorrow... 'night world

1:13am: Things are getting to me that shouldnt. Im very sensitive. I get extremely attatched to people/memories/places. This may very well lead to my eventual downfall. I cant say no. Everything to everybody leaves those i care about the most getting what little i have left, cause they are the least likely to ask. Im sorry. Please dont give up on me.


When Judy Garland died tornadoes touched down on Kansas, when i die a Saturn SL2 will fall in rogers :-)

'night all.

1:40am: With it being so nice the last few days its got me thinking of summer. Thinking of the future, and for once im kinda looking forward to it. I get out of school (for the second time) in December, then its off to a dealership to work. In the mean time Seth and I are getting our shop off the ground, and weve been doing pretty well. Weve been pretty busy and now with Brookes help we will have some sort of organization and planning. Ive managed to pay off a significant amount of my credit card, and once i get a decent job ill be able to get my own place. Rent is coming down too. Ill admit ill probably end up in Rogers, i dont care. I love that place. Its Rogers. Ill have an apartment. People are too damn eager to buy a house, i like the idea of not having to fix shit if it breaks. and admittedly even if my landlord sucks as much as adam's old one its not like id get shit fixed any faster. So its worth not having the responsability. Furthermore i have enough electronic equiptment amassed in my room to fill a small apartment. I want one with a porch. Can be in front or in back but i want a porch to hang out on. Sit and watch the cars go by. Maybe ill put a radio out there, who knows. Id like a roommate, someone i know already tho. Hopefully ill have a decent enough job to be able to cover rent on occasions when they cant, i hate asking for money from people who are broke, casue i know how it is to be there. I think we all should be broke once tho, makes you a more genuine person i feel. You dont have that bullshit 'im better then you' attitude. I know im better then noone, i just found my niche after 5 years of doing what i 'should' do. Now im doing what i wanna do. And i thank those that helped me in that decsision, you know who you are. All i have to do now is keep wokring, keep learning, and look forward to the summer. A summer i will be in school through but i dont care. I struggled with myself a long time to be there, and i love it. Its gonna be fun. Different from last summer, better, onward....upward. I met some awesome people at NEIT too. Good times at Lowes, and prototype revision, Family guy, Snatch, Adam...the other protugese Adam. Brandon, Mike. Dont forget Accord Buy (whatever his name is), Sandy, Dale, George of the Jungle and his shitbox Integra, Dazed and Confuzzed. The list goes on.

Nigh all. Tomorrow is another day closer to warmth.

10:35am: You said that words can only get you so far,
But I've got sentences that cover up all my scars.
In the end I might forget where they are,
Talk to me tonight.

And if we started all over today,
I think we know that we'd end up in the same place.
Maybe you're right and we've got nothing to say,
I want to hear it anyway.

12:03am: Ice cubes grow up to be puddles. Its instinctive. If you ask an ice cube what he wants to be when he grows up, he'll say "a puddle".

"Where do you see yourself in 10 minutes Mr. Cube"

"on the floor absorbed into the carpet, or puddled up on the lenolium, depending on what department you put me in. "

Dry ice is like fuck that, ill just sublimate and look spooky. Thats why they can only find jobs in haunted houses, they work then disappear.

12:27am: Key to success
I was at Mikes appartment one day. As i went to sit down in a recliner that he had a saw Brandons laptop on the ottoman. His cigarettes on the left arm of the chair, and his cellphone on the right. I didnt sit down tho as it was obviosu he was sitting there. He came up and said "hey man thats my seat". which made me think. I thought about door keys, and how a door key will only fit one door. So Brandon leaving all his stuff where he did made it like a lock on a door. It only really fit Brandon. If i were to sit there id be uncomfortable, casue the cellphone would be in the wrong spot, or i didnt like what he was looking at on the internet. Just like if brandon sat in my spot. All my stuff would be set up for me, for me to be comfortable, not him. Thus holding a spot for my return, kinda like sticking a lawn chair in your parking spot in the snow (if youve never seen done you havent lived). Only im sure the car wouldnt be comfortable in the lawn chair. Not enough lumbar support.

On another note...for the ladies out there. If you go to a party, and see another female (or male i suppose nowadays) wearing the same dress as you you get jealous...right? Is that the same jealousy guys feel when a guy rolls up with the same car/modifications as you have? I think it is. Maybe other animals feel the same way too. It probably went all the way back to the cavemen and women. "Damnit, look at Igor, he just got the same club as i do."

I dont have to worry about that tho. I think i got the only 1994 saturn missing a centercap and rolling on a donut with a bent ass beat up tailpipe and windhsield squirters that dont work. Yaay for being unique mo-fo's.

Constructive criticism is a bit of a misleading term. I told a guy his book sucked, but he didnt build me shit! I realy could have used a china cabinet to hold all my...err. Maybe a birdhouse would be better.


We can land a man on the moon, but we cant made a flashlight that works without having to slap it around for 10 minutes. then it meagerly flickers for a second and goes out. Suppose thats where the name comes from. Maybe thats it. its supposed to do that.

thank god im good at slapping it around. ill have plenty of light. giggity.

8:09pm: gotta figure out how to add friends....




....this should be more fun then the time i lit my shirt on fire.


and did i ever tell you how that happened? ah, well then... I was at my long-time friend andrews house with aother long time friend Andy. Weve known each other since we were about 4 years old...literally. Andy and i share a love of destruction, not to say that andrew doesnt, but he doesnt usually act upon it like andy and i would. Well it was about 5 years ago now. Andrew was in the living room and andy and i were in the kitchen. I was facinating myself with the fact that if you spray Bonaca in a glass you can light it and a flame will slowly decend the glass. so i moved onto a larger glass. cool. then i moved into a milk jug, 1/2 gallon, plastic. hhhhokay, here i am spraying about 15 squirts of Bonaca into the empty milk jug, at this point im standing my the front door, with the milk jug on top of their pull out dishwasher (the one the rolls away after your done using it). Andy is dilligently watching me. I then grab one of those Scripto grill lighters and stick it in the milk jug. Now i hadnt really given much thought to the fact that the glass was open on top, the same diameter as the rest of the glass, so it didnt build up pressure as the thing burned. Milk jug- different story. I pulled the handle on the Scripto expecting for the thing to burn in the jug the same as in the glass and look really cool. Eh....no. It turned into a rocket and shot flames up my arm and the jug flew across the room on fire and hit the wall next to any and fell on the floor, smouldering. Andy immediatly hit the floor laughing, as did i as soon as i extinguished my arm. Andrew was left to run into the room and stomp out the burning molten plastic.


teh funnay

11:53pm: Let my Wub open the door....to your heart
I wonder if somewhere in the world theres a land of Kaopectitess. People free from the burden of intestional distention and upset stomaches.

This is gonna make me famous guys...a new word : kigobites. Assuming a keg holds 300 beers 300 gigabytes are in a kigobite. They'll be on sale at newegg any day now.

Have ya ever noticed how skink stripes look like Andy Rooney's eyebrows?









If you go to google and type in the following search entry : boobie : with 47 o's you will get no results. However 45 o's gets 1 ...43 = 2...42=3
It would seem that international law dictates that 46 is the upper limit for o's in the word boobie. 47 is just too many.


the word rite is overused in the value-price industry. The following is a brief list of 'rite' brand products:
Drive rite - belts
brew rite - coffee filters
diet rite- soda
grip rite- screws
lift rite- pallet jacks
wash rite- laundry soap
mark rite- sharpie knockoffs
accu rite- software or something
valu rite- pharmacy
thermo rite- fireplace doors
roll rite-truck bed liners
Stride rite- shoes
Run Right- car maintanance items
Ride Rite- tires
Oil rite- Oiling systems
Feed rite- animal feed
Bilt rite- conveyor systems
Sew rite- sewing machines

theres more but im tired of looking


Anyway rite isnt even a word. so do all these things really exist? I vote for no, since a nonsence word cannot decscribe a real object. So the next time you go to the store, walk out with a box of brew rite coffee filters, and when they yell at you about stealing, point out the fact that they arent real in the first place, and you cant steal something that doesnt exist.

with any luck the html i did up there is right and you will all agree that at least one of andy rooney's parents was a skunk.

1:20am: went to the doctors to have the damn cough checked out. Apparently i need x-rays. thats nice that with all the modern medicine around we still use a device that was invented over 100 years ago, by accident, to see whats wrong with us.

Dude invents something on accident the changes the world forever, i sit and think all day long and all i come up with is a new snack food: kettle cooked chip topped milano cookies. Sure enough didnt revolutionize anything, except how to consume more calories at one time.

Stopped into the mall today. They got 56" flatscreen HDTV, DVD and interplanatary orbit-ready TV's there. the picture quality is rediculous. Great news, now i can see that scar on Tina Fey's face even clearer. Sexy kinda.

if you ar fat, and go to the supermarket and use one of those scooter things, and load the basket up with junkfood, u deserve me to give you that 'are you an idiot' stare. i know im fat, i know this, according to my doctor im ready to drop dead too, but i dont base my diet around whats new from Nabisco. Plus i can still see my penis...

....occasionally

i really need to clean my car. im leaving the windows open tonite casue it smells like funk. I dunno what funk smells like, but i think it can be neutralized with a progressive rock air freshener.


I will clip Neal Peart to the air vent and see what happens.

1:01am: a little closer
in our world (Nettle, Phoenix and I) i am an otter. why? i like them. they're cute, and use tools and are furry. They lay on their backs all day and use rocks to crack open shells and eat. ive heard they keep the same rock for years. im like that. creature of habit, laying on my back eating. plus i have a furry tender underbelly.


hopefully someday ill be cute like an otter

10:55pm: have we met
i feel like i know you from somewhere, but i cant place it. ah well. you didnt make enough of an impression for me to care so you must have sucked at life then, and would probably still suck. i think my lack of short term memory when dealing with the public helps me not waste my time when i comes to people who would waste my time.

the vast majority of people are lemmings...following each other off the cliff and into the Walmart parking lot.

I want to be in the guiness book of world records as the guy who got the biggest shock off a doorknob. Im gonna walk around on a carpeted floor for 3 days straight, then attempt to leave the room. Ill be famous. And singed.

the digital revolution in the music world is like crack. it destroys the soul of the music, but the quality is so damn good you dont care.


I <3 normal rockwell paintings.

white out is like finger paint for businessmenn.

whoever invented the 8oz can is my hero. he's probably the brother of the guy who invented select a size papertowels. casue its like select a size cans. You only a little thirsty? take one can. More thrusty? take 2. no wasted soda!

Milk goes good with chocolate, tho its the only diary product that does. dont dip your oreo's into an egg.

if you are sick of bending over every time you drop something, just walk on your hands. that way if you drop something its only slightly over your head, and within reach.

10:51am: Death of a Comedian-man
Every time i like a Comedian they die.
"John Candy is awesome" - boom, dead
"Chris Farley ownes j00" - bam dead
"Mitch Hedberg is a genius" - you guessed it, dirt nap.

so since Mitch died in March ive been undecided who to like next, seeing as its kinof a death sentance almost.

creepy

rap stars get shot, rockers O.D., Comdians are liked by me.


thank god i have an 11 1/2 inch wiener thow.

1:05am: Day 2 and still no point
My cassette player broke. I dont why why im letting this get to me. I havent listened to a tape in about 3 years, but i went to use it and it shit the bed and now my world is caving in. To make matters worse my 7 Mary 3 tape is stuck in there. looks like ill have to dig through the bargain bin at strawberries for an icepicked-up used copy of that great american classic.

Dont hate casue my analog technology ruined my day. Next time it could be you!

close your eyes and imagine a desk with the following items on it:

speed stick deoderant
3 mini-cans of canada dry ginger ale
an empty mountian dew 1L bottle lying in its side
a stack of random papers and recipts
a glass of milk
easy cheese
a mini screwdriver
a stack of CDr's
3 empty tums bottles
a few random video tapes
a pack of batteries
and a sony DVD player remote

you now have the image of my desk in your head. Ur a sick person you know, sitting there thinking of the inside of my bedroom. god. get a life.

Not that my day wasnt fulfilling enough getting up at 1:30, In order to open a checking account you need money to put in the account, and im out of color ink....so that didnt pan out.

thermometers are wierd...the kind with liquid in them. seems so inexact yet it works. how come i cant think of something clever like that. so far my only invention is taping a Q-tip to the end of a pencil so i can clean the heads on my car tape deck without shelling out 5 bux for a cleaning tape. I thought that was pretty damn crafty.

im glad i get along with myself. people say they hate themselves or whatnot, and im glad i dont. casue think about it, you are with yourself all day long. You drive in the same car, you gotta listen to the same radio stations. You have to work togeather, and share a bed. Think of the last time you had a day to yourself, where you werent there. You are always hangin around with yourself....damn, that'd suck if you hated yourself.

remember diaramas. shit they kicked ass. i remember i made one, it was an ocean scene and i had little cutout fish hanging from strings. i put saran wrap over the front. if a remember correctly there was sea shells and sand involved too.

who cleans pipes with pipecleaners...they seem too small and soft to accomplish anything. they do serve purpose i guess, itd be damn hard to make a model tree out of Liquid Plumbr.

where would we be without google?

work tomorrow. fashoning a neuce out of register ink ribbon and going on break.

laters

2:20am: Uninspired by inspiration
Im gonna write whatever comes to mind....i think that will be fun.

apparently even thow i haven written anything i have 2 friends. ljmaintanance and news. fuckin sweet....im popular. I think im gonna write ljmainan....however you spell it, and see what they are up to. maybe we can hang out and egg cows.

went to mashmoquet state park the other day. at night. thought we were near a lake, apparently we werent. We couldnt find the little house thing either.



i wonder if ljmaintanance would want to go. I should ask.


VCR's suck unless you dont have one, and have a tape to play. Then they're kinda usefull.

Family guy is the best animated show ever. if you disagree you have no class.

Fixed my car now. doesnt leak antifreeze anymore. only took me a year. got to the point where it was more work to not fix it then to fix it. so my laziness kicked in, and i fixed it. now im back to not having to do anything before i drive it. less work works for me.


2:27 am. probably gonna open a checking account tomorrow so i dont keep taking 20's out of the ATM for 5 bux worth of crap only to blow the rest on chocolate covered cashews and mountain dew. I may as well spend the 5 and burn the rest with a match and cut out the middleman. The middleman's name is capitalism.

ok people now that youve seen inside my head do you still love me? did you ever? dont just hang out with me cause im bearded and smell nice.


'night

1:16am: ALCHEMIST: Medieval chemist; one who attempts to turn base metals into gold and find elixir of life. Alchemy is a symbolic system for the transformation of the human spirit from its lead like state of ignorance into the gold of enlightenment. I am Tha Alkemyst, welcome to my world.